Guest Post: The Trip That Changed Everything
Nick Ludwig on using psilocybin to process late discovery and find his voice
Editor’s Note: Psilocybin (the active compound in certain mushrooms) has been shown to help with depression, anxiety, and existential distress in clinical trials (Erkizia-Santamaría, 2025; Omidian, 2025). No one has studied whether it could help people specifically dealing with donor conception discoveries, but the research on how psilocybin works suggests it might be worth exploring. When people learn something unexpected about their identity or family history, they can get stuck in repetitive thinking patterns—going over the same questions and doubts again and again. They might struggle with integrating the new information. Research shows psilocybin helps people break out of these stuck thought patterns. It also helps people develop greater psychological flexibility, allowing them to hold complicated feelings and questions without being overwhelmed. And psilocybin appears to help people process deep existential questions about who they are and where they belong, questions that sit at the heart of the biographical work some donor-conceived people are doing.
There’s a growing recognition that people who experience mental health challenges after discovering unexpected genetic information aren’t getting the support they want and need (Careau, 2025). Therapists often aren’t typically trained to help with these specific kinds of identity questions. Psilocybin-assisted therapy could potentially be part of the answer. In research settings, it follows a three-phase model. First, there’s a preparation phase where a trained therapist meets with you multiple times to build trust, understand your specific situation, and help you prepare mentally for what the experience might bring. Then there’s a single dosing session, a high dose in a controlled clinical setting with trained therapists present the entire time (the session lasts 6 to 8 hours) for safety and support. After that, there’s an integration phase where you meet with a therapist multiple times to process what happened, make sense of it, and figure out what it means for you.
How Psilocybin Mushrooms Impacted My Life As A Donor-Conceived Person
On a hot, humid afternoon in July 2024 I woke up before the crack of dawn to go on a highly specific and intentional trip–one that took four hours by car and an hour-long ferry ride. I lay on a padded mat in a spacious art and yoga studio, my head resting on a pillow, body covered in a blanket, and an eyemask over my eyes. Gongs, singing bowls, and other instruments you might find at a sound bath were spread around the room, waiting to be put to use. After drinking a small cup of tea that was prepared for me prior to my arrival, I calmly settled into a comfortable position, knowing I’d be there for the next five hours. It was barely fifteen minutes before the psychedelics kicked in.
Psilocybin mushrooms, to be exact. Perhaps you’ve seen a headline or two over the past few years highlighting the therapeutic benefits of this substance when used appropriately. In my case, altered states of consciousness aren’t exactly uncharted territory. I’ve had experiences, typically once a year or so, where I’ll allow myself to venture into the mystical unknowns of my psyche. Pushing the limit of my mind, body, and spirit happens to be one of my “North Stars” in this life.
For those who might be less familiar, what often happens during the psychedelic experience is a rising to the surface of whatever you might be consciously or subconsciously suppressing in your life. Those who dare partake are commonly confronted with thoughts, feelings, or emotions that can sometimes be overwhelming and uncomfortable–the kinds we may normally opt to look away from in our waking lives. When these “swept under the rug” truths show themselves, surrendering to or finding acceptance of them is when the blissful breakthroughs are most likely to occur.
But let’s hold that thought for a moment and unpack what, exactly, was the driving force behind my own decision to go on this sort of “trip”.
About a year and a half before I found myself at this particular mushroom ceremony, the shock of my life came in the form of discovering I am donor-conceived. This happened to me as an adult at 36 years old, and like most donor-conceived people, I never, ever saw it coming. My younger siblings randomly bought me a 23andMe testing kit as a birthday gift, and my parents, upon hearing the news, sat me down for a very serious conversation to explain the nitty-gritty details of my conception. I’d come to find out not only are my dad and I not biologically connected, but I have over a dozen previously unknown donor-siblings who were all born in the same hospital, many of whom grew up in relatively close proximity to where I lived as a child. It was official; the plot-twist of all plot-twists had arrived.
Talk to almost any donor-conceived person, and they’ll tell you there is no “one way” to be donor-conceived. The experience is something that simply cannot be fully understood unless you’ve lived it yourself, and the consequences of such revelations, particularly later in life, are as predictable as picking the right lotto numbers on your first try–there’s just no way to know. Some people find all of the answers they’ve always sought, while others couldn’t possibly imagine feeling more lost and disoriented. One person’s life may begin to blossom for the better, while another person’s might shatter into pieces. And then, there’s everything in between.
I was in no way exempt from having to process all the unexpected consequences of having my genetic identity suddenly cast in a radically different light. Many thoughts were journaled, tears were shed, and I made it abundantly clear to my parents that we would be open about everything with extended family and friends, no matter how difficult that might be. I assured my family we’d move in that direction collectively and at a speed we were all comfortable with, but emphasized this was my truth now and I would not be concealing it.
I’m proud to say we eventually had some of those uncomfortable conversations, informing the people we care about of the big, decades-long, hidden truth. Life in general felt much lighter and healthier after that, but I began to wonder–am I missing something? Should I be feeling this normal about something so objectively abnormal? I felt I was standing on such solid ground that I couldn’t help but wonder if I had perhaps failed to fully process everything properly. Should I be angry? Should I be sad? Should I feel cheated? That’s when the thought hit me: If I’m failing to see or feel something, a moderate dose of mushrooms would surely let me know.
I’d partaken in psychedelic ceremonies prior to my donor conception discovery. In those experiences, I had face-to-face stare-downs with the deep unknown against a backdrop of classic ‘trippy and vibrant visuals’. Each time, I navigated through discomforts and moved closer and closer toward inner peace. This ceremony, however, was quite different. There were no visuals. No discomfort. Just one distinct, unmistakable message.
As the effects of the mushrooms reached their peak intensity, an undeniable warmth emanated from my heart when, suddenly, I involuntarily recited three words out loud, repeatedly: “Tell your story. Tell your story. Tell your story…” I must have said it dozens of times, unable to stop.
A huge smile came over my face. “Message received,” I thought to myself.
There was no misunderstanding about what was being channeled to me. It was like a call from the universe telling me to open the contents of my journal pages to the masses, exposing the wild ride I’d been on uncovering this new part of my identity.
This didn’t feel like a choice, either. Some higher power–which seemed to originate in my heart–commanded me to take this action. And I knew exactly what had to be done.
For the rest of the ceremony, I lay on my mat glowing in euphoria and feeling such deep clarity. I wasn’t missing anything, after all. In fact, the message that came to me seemed to indicate maybe I hadn’t pushed the idea of ‘being open’ far enough. “Tell your story” really meant “Tell your story to all.”
Upon my return home, the mission was clear–there was no room for questioning. From that point forward, I took time piecing my journal thoughts into a full-fledged story that connected my donor-conceived discovery to some of the other most meaningful experiences of my life. That story turned into my book, Inconceivably Connected: A True Story of Shocking DNA Results and Chasing the Unknown.
Doing this made me feel free. It made me feel like my re-introduction to the world was complete. The work wouldn’t stop there, though, because I felt in the core of my soul that I had to find a way to give others a chance to feel that same feeling, too.
Thus, The Inconceivably Connected Podcast was born, a platform where donor-conceived people worldwide can share their own stories of unforeseen DNA surprises. I had no previous experience with podcasting before, but the call to create this platform was too strong not to find a way to figure it all out. Then, in August of 2025, just three months into releasing episodes, Long Island’s Newsday ran a cover story on the podcast and how it’s found a global audience. I started to get that feeling like I was onto something.
Telling my story to all has led me to a whole world of possibilities, opportunities, and connections I never could have dreamed of having before. Doors seem to be swinging open now, and I suspect that’s due to allowing my heart to finally take the lead away from my head; to being fully open and fearless of speaking and sharing the truth. Psychedelics showed me how to do these things.
These days, I’m trusting my intuition more and more–the unknown becomes a lot less scary that way. I actually find comfort in the unknown now. As a donor-conceived person, I almost need to. And I truly don’t know what comes next. But one thing I can tell you is that, whatever waits for me down the road, it will be linked to one simple, and in this case, psychedelic message: Tell your story!
Nick Ludwig (@inconceivablyconnected on Substack) is based in New York. At the age of 36, he discovered through consumer DNA testing that he is donor-conceived and has over a dozen previously unknown half-siblings—a revelation that reshaped his understanding of identity, family, and belonging. Nick has channeled his discovery into advocacy and storytelling. He is the author of Inconceivably Connected: A True Story of Shocking DNA Results and Chasing the Unknown, which documents his late-stage discovery and his journey to make sense of his genetic truth, and the host and producer of The Inconceivably Connected Podcast, a one-on-one conversation series featuring true stories from donor-conceived people around the world.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this, Laura! :)