How gay fathers' attachment style shapes children's curiosity
Disclosure and child exploration of surrogacy origins in gay father families: Fathers' Adult Attachment Interview coherence of mind matters. (Carone, 2024)
Carone, N., Manzi, D., Barone, L., Mirabella, M., Speranza, A. M., Baiocco, R., & Lingiardi, V. (2024). Disclosure and child exploration of surrogacy origins in gay father families: Fathers' Adult Attachment Interview coherence of mind matters. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology, 42(5), 977-992. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2023.2214583
Geographic Region: Italy
Research Question: Do children of gay fathers explore their surrogacy origins more when their fathers are emotionally secure about their own childhood experiences AND have told them detailed information about how they were conceived?
Design: This longitudinal home-visit study collected data at two time points: September 2017-April 2018 when children were aged 6-12 years, and March 2019-October 2019 approximately 18 months later. Researchers conducted Adult Attachment Interviews with fathers to assess their current state of mind regarding past child-parent attachment experiences (“coherence”). They also interviewed fathers about their disclosure practices and children about the depth of their exploration of surrogacy origins using an adapted format from the Minnesota/Texas Adoption Project. All interviews were conducted separately with each family member in their homes.
Sample: 30 children and their 60 gay fathers (30 families). Fathers were all White, cisgender men residing in Italy with medium to high socioeconomic status. Fathers had been in relationships for an average of 15.4 years. Children had a mean age of 8.3 years at Time 1 (range 6-12) and 9.9 years at Time 2 (range 7.5-13.5), with 53% assigned female at birth. 33% of the children were only children, and 60% had one sibling. All of the children were born through gestational surrogacy abroad. 77% were born via open-identity egg donors. The study maintained a 91% retention rate between time points.
Key Findings
Of the 30 families, 43% (13) disclosed only about the surrogate's involvement, 27% (8) told their children about the surrogate and either the egg donor or which father was genetically related (but not both), and 30% (9) provided complete disclosure covering the surrogate, egg donor, and genetic father identity.
When fathers told their children detailed information about how they were conceived (including the surrogate, egg donor, and which father was genetically related), children became more curious and asked more questions only if their fathers had a higher coherence score. (This finding was statistically significant.) In other words, it's not enough for parents to simply share information - they also need to be emotionally prepared and self-aware in order to create a safe environment where children feel comfortable exploring their origins.
Telling children more details about their conception by itself did not increase their willingness to explore. Having emotionally secure fathers by itself also did not increase children’s willingness to explore. There were no differences in coherence between genetic fathers (biologically related to the child) and non-genetic fathers.
Limitations: Children's understanding of questions may have been influenced by their mood that day, and they may have been selective about what they shared with researchers. The wide age range (6-12 years at start) meant children were at different developmental stages, which could have affected both fathers' disclosure decisions and children's curiosity levels. Only one father per family described their disclosure level, though disclosure likely involves both parents, and fathers might have different disclosure levels
Applications: Provide resources to intended parents about the importance of their own emotional preparation for supporting children's future questions.
Funding Source: Sapienza University of Rome (Sapienza Starting Grant for Research, grant AR11715C77EB56B2) and the Society for the Psychological Study of Social Issues (Grants-in-Aid)
Lead Author: Nicola Carone is a researcher at the University of Pavia's Department of Brain and Behavioral Sciences, specializing in diverse family forms and child development in assisted reproduction contexts. No personal connection to donor conception was identified through available information.
Regulatory Context
Italy maintains one of Europe's most restrictive assisted reproduction legal frameworks.
Donor treatments became legal in 2014 following a constitutional court ruling overturning previous prohibitions.
Access is limited exclusively to different-sex married or cohabiting couples, excluding single individuals and same-sex couples.
The law mandates anonymous donation and prohibits embryo donation and surrogacy arrangements.
No legal requirements exist for disclosure to children, and the strong Catholic cultural influence creates ongoing tension between pronatalist values and restrictive reproductive policies.
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