5 Comments

User's avatar
Carina's avatar

I’m someone who should appreciate this article, in theory (we’re an interracial gay couple who used a known donor and found the fertility clinic annoying) but I just found myself groaning over and over. It’s a great example of how people who are overly concerned with queer rights end up centering themselves at the expense of DCP. The article barely considered the impact of any of these practices on the children who will be created. It was all about adult desires.

Some of this “gatekeeping” is to protect the clinics from getting sued, but counseling and genetic screening is also for the benefit of the future children.

We also need to acknowledge that reality is homophobic. A lot of these complaints are about it being harder for gay people, but in my experience, the people who think it’s “not fair” and that everyone should bend over backwards to make gay people feel just like a straight couple, are the same people who are adult-centered not child-centered. Part of being a responsible RP is wrestling with all of the ways you are doing something unusual.

If you’re obsessed with making everyone prop up your fantasy that you’re having babies just like any straight couple, how will that make the child feel when he/she wants a relationship with the donor?

All of this academic language about heteronormativity and colonialism is trying to reframe biological reality as oppression. But that doesn’t serve our children.

Expand full comment
Cynthia Cheng Mintz's avatar

There’s also the egg donor issue (at least for Confucianist cultures). Slowly changing, I think, as cultures become more integrated, but it takes time (everyone says it takes three generations).

Note: some people think term “BIPOC” others certain groups (including yours truly)

Expand full comment
3 more comments...

No posts